The Oliver's Madhouse

When Life Isn't Complicated Enough

Ranty Friday – Dad’s On a Pedestal

on 04/01/2013

Image

It’s that time of the week again where I am linking up with the lovely Mummy Barrow for the Ranty Friday post and I am going to say sorry in advance if I offend anyone … however I intend to rant readily and will not hold back.

My daughter has been left very upset with her Dad over the Christmas period, as some of my regular readers will know Beth’s dad and I split when she was 6 months old however he has maintained once a fortnight contact with her throughout the last 9 ½ years.

I have whole heartedly supported this contact and have asked on numerous occasions for him to spend more time with her … I have now given up as the plea has fallen on deaf ears.

Back in April Beth broke down and told me she was missing her Dad and wanted to spend more time with him, fairs fair and she asked him outright if he could make more time to see her above and beyond the 2 days a fortnight. He was very accommodating at the time and confirmed he will pick her up in the week sometimes and take her out …. Nothing above and beyond the norm has ever occurred, even though he has been off work for over 2 weeks over Christmas he has pretty much stuck rigidly to the Christmas eve and New year’s Eve fixed order. (shock)

Beth is really struggling with her emotions and feelings right now in her pre-teen hormonal state and she is once again hurting.

Now I don’t really have an opinion on what occurs at her Dad’s and if I have I certainly do not voice this concern to her as she is still a child and I want her to make her own mind up where her Dad is concerned

My rant starts with 2 weeks before Christmas: Beth came home to tell me that here Dad has told her she had a large amount of money in a savings account for her and I have taken it all!! (you what?!) Needless to say not only was a gobsmacked I was furious!

Although I knew he had a savings account for her, I do not have, nor do I want to have anything to do with it even if he offered it to me (which he never has) so how could I of spent this dough?? Nice try asshole!

I certainly think that discussing money to that extent is not a topic which should be high on any parents  ‘need to discuss list’ when only seeing ones child every other weekend surly?

Part 2 of my ranting’s stems from Christmas Eve, Beth had been with her Dad on Christmas Eve till tea time as normal and she came home and told me that she picked and bought ALL her own presents … apparently she had been given a set amount of money and then dropped off in the local town with her 2 step sisters (aged 11 & 13) the day before Christmas eve to go and get their own gifts ……….. Now is it me or is this just wrong?? Not only do I not think my daughter is not responsible enough to be in town all day unsupervised its mere days before Christmas, its bloody manic! … get a grip you fool, your daughter is 11 and not mature in the slightest.. Just give her a neon sign that says rob me!

The last part to this rant has really upset me this week. She visited her dad for 2 days over New Year in which her step sisters were with their Dad so I hoped that her Dad would spend some much needed quality time with her ….. wrong!

He told my daughter he would take her to the pictures, on arriving he told her he didn’t like the film as it ‘ wasn’t his kind of film’ and proceeded to tell her he would wait outside in the car park of the McDonalds next door!

My 11 year old daughter sat through the whole film on her own while he went god knows bloody where. Is it wrong to think that as parents even if the film is not what you would necessarily pick yourself you would sit through it anyway?!

What he did to her this time is nothing but bloody cruel and hurtful, needless to say she was also quite upset sat on her own watching the film. I however am absolutely bloody disgusted!

Right Daddy dearest get a grip, spend some time with your daughter, throwing money at her and dumping her at every given opportunity does not constitute a parent. It merely reinforces my ever growing confirmation that you are only a sperm donor at best!

She may think you’re the bees knees while you sit yourself on your own pedestal of perfectness but time is ticking till she finally sees through your facade and your money won’t cut it then!

Advertisements

18 responses to “Ranty Friday – Dad’s On a Pedestal

  1. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work. I feel so sorry for your poor daughter. Hugs.

  2. Karen Hannah says:

    What an absolute twonk he is. I had to endure things like that from my dad when I was growing up – ‘your mum always sent your Christmas presents back to me’, ‘the cheque is in the post for your birthday’ etc etc – the list is endless. So I might have an idea how Beth feels. Unfortunately you can’t make up her mind for her but I hope she sees him for what he is soon enough. The sooner she realises he’s a toss pot the sooner she can fill the time she misses with him with something more fulfilling. Hope that makes sense!

  3. Cherry Blossom Rain says:

    I totally feel Beths pain.. reading this is like looking back 18 years at my own life… Let me tell you this.. it hurts like hell yes, but she will learn, unfortunately the hard way. I used to get let down month after month and the pain even now remembering still doesn’t go away. But luckily she has you, a fantastic mother who is there to support her through it. For for me I learnt to forgive all that went on 18 years ago.. It was hard but we are working through it and we don’t dwell on the past now. Its all still new and fresh but we are building new relationships and starting anew… Maybe one day it will be like that with Beth, maybe not? who knows…

    Some men can not live up to there responsibilities of being parents, and it so sad that children get so hurt by it.

    xx

    • Jaime Oliver says:

      Thanks so much for you comment, I hope Beth develops a wise head on her shoulders like it seems you have.

      what really hurts for me is seeing her hurting by what he is doing but if i stop contact because she is hurting she will hate me for it. It really is catch 22 at the minute.

      I will keep my chin up and BREATH! x

      • Cherry Blossom Rain says:

        Im guessing my mum had to watch and breath and was hurting just like you. She was there to wipe away the tears and to tell me it would all be ok in the end, and it was. But when I got married and started my own family I realised I missed that connection with him and realised it was important for me even though I had been put through so much hurt and pain all those years earlier. I forgave him. It was hard but I am enjoying getting to know him again and I look forward to seeing him when I do, its not much mind as he doesn’t live near me, (I so wish he did!) but we really try and see each other when we can and its something to look forward to.. plus I love seeing my brother and so does Moo, she loves seeing her uncle which is lovely 🙂

        xxxx

        xxxx

      • Jaime Oliver says:

        Thanks for you comment, I just hope things work out for Beth and dont get me wrong i want nothing more than for her to have a relationship with her dad! until he realises she is crying out for his time and effort i dont think things will change.

        I will keep my fingers crossed that you get to have the relationship with you dad that you are hoping for and that although the things that hurt you in the past will never go away a fresh start is a good way forward! x

  4. What an irresponsible human being he is!! I agree that leaving young kinds to fend for themselves in a town centre just before christmas is insane – and that’s before the fact he gave them lots of money and told them to buy what they like! Easy pickings for thieves right there… heck my 9 year old got told off from me from walking about WITH ME in town today clutching a tenner. Told him to put it away so noone could see and that he wouldn’t want to be a target for a thief.

    I’m so sorry she’s getting let down by him all the time. She’s obviously getting to the age where she is wising up to his no good parenting.

    My son is 9 and his dad sees him three times a week. He has always had an issue with maintainance though and only now sees him this amount a week because I kept threatening him with the CSA on his ass. Even now though the little maintenance he does pay is getting less and less – he keeps changing the standing order!

    What gets me though is his dad and his new wife (got married last year to an absolute horror of a woman) have begun telling Daniel that I take all their money! That it’s my fault that this… my fault that that… That I’m not teaching him manners…. That I take too many holidays!!! I’m so sorry that I look after my money and money manage well so I can do that. It’s not MY fault that His Dad is awful with money and has always been so. Heck when we were together I had to pay off one of his loans he had before me!

    I just have to keep breathing in and trying to just be the bigger person. Knowing that Daniel will indeed work it all out for himself one day. However I am now thinking of CSA. Sure it’s not perfect but I want something legal done for maintanence ya know? I know his dad and new wife are trying to get pregnant and just know that he will get worse once he has a baby with HER. I’m not even being biased. Nobody likes her. Not even her bridesmaid… who told me herself. Even today in a shop I met his dads best man (partner of said bridesmaid) who had a good moan about her. His mum, brother and sister all hate her. She was actually struck off her dislosure for working with kids for FORCE FEEDING young kids in her care in a childcare establishment!

    SHE IS A HORROR.

    But I’m sure D will work all this out in time.

    I’m just gonna have to keep holding my head high, being the better person, and be there for him when the shit hits the fan and he realises. I guess that’s about all you can do too, as you seem to say here you’ve understood he isn’t gonna change. It’s been a long time for him to change. Change seems inevitable. I wish I could help with some sorta more advice, but you’re not alone. There’s too many idiot parents out there, not wanting to do well by their own children. I just cannot fathom how or why they can do it. I just can’t see…

    • Jaime Oliver says:

      Thank you so much for not only reading my post but taking the time to comment on it with such honesty and support too!

      Your situation sounds so much like ours! Her dad thinks money is the only option however to me and to Beth sod the money spend some quality time with her! get to know her! laugh with her and just be there!

      I hope things work out well for you and your son (or a good as it can with knob-head for parent and step parent extraordinaire in tow!

      To you and me and the power of Mums!

  5. Oh my goodness! How on earth could he think any of that was ok!? How dare he try to cause problems between you and Beth over money too! I can’t believe he wasn’t worried about her safety at the cinema or when he sent her shopping! Especially at Christmas time even I get a little worried about walking around with money on me, there is no chance I would ever let Eva go off on her own with money like that at that age, even the oldest step sister at 13 I wouldn’t allow to go shopping alone and that’s without the fact that he should at least buy her presents himself. But then it doesn’t sound like he’s taken the time to know her well enough to pick something she would want and enjoy. I can’t believe he left her in the cinema on her own instead of spending quality time with her, Poor Beth and poor you for having to pick up the pieces 😦 xx

    • Jaime Oliver says:

      thanks Ember, its a major nightmare at the minute! he has been like this forever, to him she is a possession not a child that needs love, guidance, support and boundaries.

      My heart breaks for her right now

  6. Your final two sentences sum this post up completely AND utterly. This man is EXACTLY like my ex and I can forsee the same thing happening to Grace when she is Beth’s age. If I were you, I would ask Beth to ask him for proof with regards to the savings account and the fact that you have taken it all. I am totally with you on both the situation regarding shopping for her own Christmas presents!!! A grown up wouldn’t even be expected to do this, let alone a child! As for the film WHAT AN ARSEHOLE!!! (excuse my french). The quicker this man disappears from her life, the better. It will be heartbreaking for her at first but so much better for her in the long run. I hate him for what he is putting you and Beth through. MASSIVE HUGS xxx

    • Jaime Oliver says:

      Thanks Vicky! I try not to slate him too much and i would never do it directly to Beth as he is her and and she loves him, however she is so grateful for him to see her at all she is willing to accept anything!

      It really is awful for beth and i have persisted with facilitating contact all these years as i wanted her to decided about him in her own time however he chucks money at her and no real time and then when she is having problems processing what is happening his response is ‘its at your house so its your fault she is playing up, she never plays up for me’ If i am honest why would she in her eyes anything is better than nothing! Roll on Monday for the first appointment with the Targeted Support team as he may find himself having to justify his own actions instead of expecting me to justify my every move to him.

      I so hope Grace doesnt have to go through any thing like this!! thanks

      Thanks for the massive hugs i am sending some right back 🙂

      • I am exactly the same as you – I NEVER slate Grace’s father to her – like Beth I believe Grace should find out about her father for herself. I think Grace is on a slightly different tangent in that she ‘tolerates’ her father and I am grateful everyday for the relationship she has with Ross and the example he sets her.
        The targeted support team sound like an excellent way to go – I would love to know more about this at some stage when you have a mo.
        Hugs received loud and clear 😉 xx

      • Jaime Oliver says:

        When we are are well into the mix with the Targeted Support team i will blog about them as these people are surprisingly difficult to find out about and although schools claim that they will referrer in Beth’s case i waited 9 weeks with no referral being carried out, i lost patience in the end and did it myself!!

        Here’s to the power of MUM!

  7. Amanda says:

    Wow, what an arse he is! I know some parents who would jump through hoops to see more of their kids, one day he will realise what he’s missed out on and regret his actions.

    I do feel for your little girl, not an easy stage in growing up and her dad being a twat isn’t going to make it any easier, sadly not much you can do to help as he is who he is, but I would would rip him a new one for leaving her alone at the cinema and in town with her step sisters; so irresponsible!

    • Jaime Oliver says:

      Thanks for your comment, i cant tell you how nice it feels to off load his BS! In fairness i dont think he will ever realise it is all of his own making he always has to find someone else to blame her his own parenting short coming! I am not wrong in thinking be being in town on those 2 occasions is wrong then?!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Faded Seaside Mama

When Life Isn't Complicated Enough

Family Days Tried And Tested

Adventuring through childhood... with love and dysfunction in tow

notTHATJaimeOliver.com

It's this one instead

The Oliver's Madhouse

When life isn't complicated enough ..

My Travel Monkey

Adventures at Home and Abroad

Twice a mummy double the fun

A Parenting Lifestyle Blog

Alice & Amelia

new young mum sharing my stories......

Death Valley Cycle 2014

3 novice cyclists raising money for Great Ormond Street Children's Charity

The Adventures of a Potty Mouthed Mummy

Spouting sarcasm and swear words and being me.

Mummy Tries

Motherhood. Without the Sugar Coating.

thepiepatch

Cooking, crochet and cloth pads!

motherslittlesteps.com/

Motherhood and Coastal Living

Old Road Apples

A Magnificent Fountain of Gurgling Wit, Wisdom, and Intriguing Insights. Some Other Stuff, Too.

Lovely2CU

A Work in Progress

Bark Time

I don’t want a perfect life; I want a happy one.

@adadcalledspen

Not a journalist or a writer, just a dad to two amazing children. Oh, and I love cheese.

%d bloggers like this: